This cycle officially became a BFN yesterday. I actually kind of felt like it had worked. While the initial response was a bit harder with my false hope, it wasn’t any worse than the cycles that I am prepared for a BFN. I cried, felt despair and frustration and sad for about two hours then started to feel ok. I had a glass of wine. I laughed with my husband. I made a new plan and I enjoyed the relaxing evening of no symptom spotting and obsessing. I told myself that it will happen eventually and I want to look back at this time and know I still treasured and enjoyed it– not wasted it. I have a super awesome life. Honestly one I could have only dreamt of and I refuse to dwell on what I don’t have. I will focus on what I do have and what I will one day have.
I could dwell on the fact that 11k plus weeks of injections, monitoring, stress and no caffeine or alcohol yielded nothing. I could feel sad that there is nothing to show for it but I will not head down that path. I will remember that this is one step in the journey. One milestone down. The baby who is meant to join our family will come one day. Life is way to short and unpredictable to sit and feel sad about could have or would have. I get to wake up to an amazing husband, beautiful view, adorable little boy and now COFFEE. Life is good indeed. Soon enough I will be back in the IVF saddle so for now- I will enjoy the freedom and fun of normal life.
Hope all of you enjoy your Friday and find a way to enjoy the moment and celebrate the good.
Xo
Dreaming of Diapers said:
Hang in there friend…celebrate the good indeed…life is good..through it all..xoxo
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theskyandback said:
I’m sorry to read the BFN news. You have an awesome outlook, and I agree with everything you’re saying. Please give yourself space to feel sad, though, should you need to. I feel in my heart that it will happen for you, too, but I sure wish this time would’ve been your time! Do you know when you will start your next cycle? You never know, we could end up being pregnant at the same time! Wouldn’t that just be amazing?
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you! I definitely wallowed for a bit but I just hate being in that place. Had to get out quickly. Oh that would be awesome to be pregnant at the same time! We are switching clinics so imagine maybe a July/ August cycle. Xo
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theskyandback said:
That’s exciting that you’re switching. I think the earliest we’ll be doing one is September (I could start in August but we’ll likely be out of town for the start of that cycle), so we won’t be cycle buddies. But our double pregnancy dream could still happen! 😍
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mamajo23 said:
I so hope it does!!! Xo
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30yr old nothing said:
I’m sorry to hear about you BFN. Hang in there friend. xx
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chels819 said:
I’m so sorry / I admire your attitude … Hugs and love sent.
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you. You have always been a big inspiration! Xo
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newchancesnewhope said:
So lovely to hear you are so positive for what you have and coffee especially – LOVE the stuff! 🙂 xx
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mamajo23 said:
Yes coffee works miracles. I think coffee and gratitude, whenever at all possible, leads to a happy life 🙂
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