I, like I imagine many of us, spend quite a bit of time thinking about Infertility. I think about it when choosing food, taking vitamins, ordering meds, scheduling appointments, taking out loans, seeing a pregnancy announcement etc. In these moments I feel the weight of it. The burden, the sometimes lost hope, frustration and even anger.

But I also think about it in the happy moments. The first hint of a champagne buzz, the middle of a really good song, when I cuddle my boy, when my husband looks delighted at his own joke. I think about how lucky I am for these moments. How hard life can be and how truly precious the good is. I never ever take for granted a moment with my son. I know that 40k and three rounds of IVF is a small price compared to many others struggling through this. I know that a tough night of wake ups or a tantrum in the grocery store is a gift not a burden. This knowledge gives me gratitude and humility. It lets me truly revel in the moments that others who have not gone through this IF hell might take for granted. 

When I am once again, after three more failed rounds of IVF, lying back in the stiff bed of the RE’s office and he is expressing disappointment in follicle growth or suggesting a higher dose of meds, I try to remember that this hell has given me a unique perspective to enjoy the good and appreciate what I have. 

When this journey is over (It has to end at some point, right???) I will take with me the gratitude. I will take with me the deep appreciation for the good moments. 

If you are still in the trenches, have just been diagnosed with IF or RPL or have just suffered through more bad news remember there is an end to all this. Somehow, someway you will be on the side of gratitude too. This moment right now may be hard and painful and sad and full of despair but it is temporary. The pain and hardship you are feeling right now is creating a loving and beautiful resilient heart that will bring you and those you love so much joy. 

Thinking of you especially The Sky and Back. Xo