Wowza- just writing that feels crazy. I kind of can’t remember what life was like before I was either waiting for a cycle to start or in the middle of a cycle. This time is a bit different because we are going to try to do a few embryo banking cycles and test them before we do a transfer. This also means we have to let the embryos grow until blastocyte (which is something I have never done). Gulp. 

I think I have done a pretty good job these last few (failed) cycles of just taking each moment as it comes, not having too many expectations and just hoping for the best. All I can do is inject myself at the right time, avoid caffeine and alcohol and hope my body and the lab does its job. Baseline appointment is Friday but I started my Human Growth Hormone last night. It is experimental but I am up for anything that might help. 

I can’t tell if I have become numb to this process, really good at just compartmenatlizing it or actually in a healthy mental place. I think maybe a combo of the three but more the first two. I am going to continue to do my best to keep emotions at bay and stay positive. 

I know I am so fortunate to have my son and don’t want to squander the precious time I have with him just wanting more. Wishing everyone who is in that terrible period of just waiting for the next try, phase, milestone or remnant of hope peace and patience.