Wowza- just writing that feels crazy. I kind of can’t remember what life was like before I was either waiting for a cycle to start or in the middle of a cycle. This time is a bit different because we are going to try to do a few embryo banking cycles and test them before we do a transfer. This also means we have to let the embryos grow until blastocyte (which is something I have never done). Gulp. 

I think I have done a pretty good job these last few (failed) cycles of just taking each moment as it comes, not having too many expectations and just hoping for the best. All I can do is inject myself at the right time, avoid caffeine and alcohol and hope my body and the lab does its job. Baseline appointment is Friday but I started my Human Growth Hormone last night. It is experimental but I am up for anything that might help. 

I can’t tell if I have become numb to this process, really good at just compartmenatlizing it or actually in a healthy mental place. I think maybe a combo of the three but more the first two. I am going to continue to do my best to keep emotions at bay and stay positive. 

I know I am so fortunate to have my son and don’t want to squander the precious time I have with him just wanting more. Wishing everyone who is in that terrible period of just waiting for the next try, phase, milestone or remnant of hope peace and patience.

Xoxo

Advertisements