I am in that scary phase where the embryos are in a Petri dish and whatever will happen will happen. It is a relief to have the eggs out because now I don’t have to over analyze every little thing I eat or do. It is actually kind of nice to have no control over the outcome anymore. My husband and I donated our DNA and the rest is up to the universe. 

They retrieved six eggs- only four mature and all four are still growing in varying stages and grades as of this morning which is Day 3. I have never let them grow past day three -always did a transfer since I have so few embryos each time. I am certainly nervous and anxious and am just hoping one grows into a blast to freeze.

But you know what? If that doesn’t happen I will keep trudging ahead. I will keep trying to find that egg. I will keep going further into debt, I will keep pumping myself full of hormones. But- I will also keep drinking wine when I want. Keep enjoying the moment and treasuring my miracle son I am fortunate enough to have. I guess what I am saying is that while I remain hopeful it will happen and plan on continuing to fight– I will also enjoy this time and try to live my life with joy and gratitude. 

Someone made a comment on another blog that it took 42 eggs to find their baby so now it is in my head that if it takes less then 42 eggs to get my next baby I am fortunate. I cannot tell you how much that comment helped me mentally. It took the pressure of and made me see the big picture.

Oh and for those of you with a child trying for a sibling and feeling like increasing age gaps matter- please relax. I have had my neighbor’s kid all week who is almost 5 years older then my son and their dynamic is adorable. They get along great plus it is nice not to have two demanding toddlers. It made me relax a bit on my forced timeline in my head. 

Boy was this a rambling post. Thank you for reading. Hope you are in a good place on this lovely Friday. Xo

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