I imagine so many of you have been here before. The thoughts in your head swirling. The ones that say-‘I hope I am pregnant by this certain event’ or ‘If I can be safely through the first trimester I can announce it at this family gathering’. Even ‘I just hope I am pregnant before (insert annoyingly fertile friend here) has yet another baby’. The timelines and pressure in my own head is one of the hardest parts of this battle. It makes me anticipate something one moment, then dread it the next when it approaches and I am still not pregnant. I hold back tears as a friend announces another pregnancy, or my entire family gathers yet I sit there with no happy news to share.
I have been fighting this a lot lately. As many events I had hoped and planned to be pregnant pass by, I have found I am not even enjoying them, just dwelling on a lost dream. I have decided to battle this head-on. Here is my plan.
Every time I think this thought in my head, I am going to replace it with something positive and in my control. For example- instead of thinking ‘I just hope I am pregnant by Christmas’ I am going to replace it with ‘I want to be in the best shape I have ever been in by Christmas so I can break out my favorite Christmas Elf leggings I have not worn since college. Then I proceed to pick myself off the couch and do ten squats. Every time I have a ‘pregnant by Christmas’ thought I am going to replace it with a fitness goal and some kind of fitness activity.
All of my replacement goals will not be fitness based- not trying to fit into a bikini, just leggings here. For example- my husband has a Company Christmas party and many of his employees wives are in a similar child situation as me and two showed up pregnant last year and I downed a few glasses of wine in the corner. This year, when I think about his Christmas party I will replace that desire with a loving gesture to someone I love. A letter to my grandmother, a text to my Mom, a supportive email to my blog best bud or a phone call to my husband. Then when I am at the Christmas party, I can reminisce on the cloud of love I have created heading into the the holiday season.
So– that is my plan and we shall see how it goes. I am up for anything to avoid these timelines in my head that detract me from living my life and enjoying the fun events I look forward to. Thinking of all of you with hope and love. Xo