I imagine so many of you have been here before. The thoughts in your head swirling. The ones that say-‘I hope I am pregnant by this certain event’ or ‘If I can be safely through the first trimester I can announce it at this family gathering’. Even ‘I just hope I am pregnant before (insert annoyingly fertile friend here) has yet another baby’. The timelines and pressure in my own head is one of the hardest parts of this battle. It makes me anticipate something one moment, then dread it the next when it approaches and I am still not pregnant. I hold back tears as a friend announces another pregnancy, or my entire family gathers yet I sit there with no happy news to share.
I have been fighting this a lot lately. As many events I had hoped and planned to be pregnant pass by, I have found I am not even enjoying them, just dwelling on a lost dream. I have decided to battle this head-on. Here is my plan.
Every time I think this thought in my head, I am going to replace it with something positive and in my control. For example- instead of thinking ‘I just hope I am pregnant by Christmas’ I am going to replace it with ‘I want to be in the best shape I have ever been in by Christmas so I can break out my favorite Christmas Elf leggings I have not worn since college. Then I proceed to pick myself off the couch and do ten squats. Every time I have a ‘pregnant by Christmas’ thought I am going to replace it with a fitness goal and some kind of fitness activity.
All of my replacement goals will not be fitness based- not trying to fit into a bikini, just leggings here. For example- my husband has a Company Christmas party and many of his employees wives are in a similar child situation as me and two showed up pregnant last year and I downed a few glasses of wine in the corner. This year, when I think about his Christmas party I will replace that desire with a loving gesture to someone I love. A letter to my grandmother, a text to my Mom, a supportive email to my blog best bud or a phone call to my husband. Then when I am at the Christmas party, I can reminisce on the cloud of love I have created heading into the the holiday season.
So– that is my plan and we shall see how it goes. I am up for anything to avoid these timelines in my head that detract me from living my life and enjoying the fun events I look forward to. Thinking of all of you with hope and love. Xo
Isabelle said:
I do the same thing, and I disappoint myself. What a great idea! I hope it works out for you. And btw, it took me a really long time to actually find your blog. Maybe it was a wordpress glitch? Glad I finally found it.
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you! I hope it works! For some reason my blog won’t link with my name. But glad you found me 🙂
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RJ said:
I’m definitely guilty of doing the same thing and it’s such a bummer when you don’t “achieve” the goal. I like your idea to combat the arbitrary timeline. Especially the words of affirmation you will send to your supporters. I feel like I don’t thank those who are truly there for me enough and this post is a great reminder for me to do that.
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mamajo23 said:
That’s lovely to hear. Thank you for supporting me!
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Nara said:
You are such a fantastic and encouraging, supportive person. I can totally relate to this and I hope that you manage to remake your goals in a way that makes you feel happy! (Whilst secretly wishing for the other things in the background… That’s okay, right?!)
🙂 x
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mamajo23 said:
Totally ok and wholly unavoidable :). Thank you so much for such nice words!
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TryTryAgain said:
I’m totally with you on this one, but this definitely sounds like a great plan. Looking forward to hearing how you get on and I really hope that it helps xx
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mamajo23 said:
Thanks so much. So far seems to help a bit.
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countyourselfunlucky said:
You are so right with this post. It’s so easy to set ourselves goals which actually aren’t good goals to be setting – I love your alternatives. It’s much better to focus on good, positive things that are achievable to get through the day to day… best wishes to you, especially as you come up against trigger events. xx
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you!! It is definitely trigger season isn’t it? Xo
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EmilyMaine said:
Oh yes the dreaded timelines. I so know what you mean. In fact I look back a bit now and think “wow, I can’t believe so and so’s baby is almost 2 and we were trying at the same time” and that sort of crap that i like to do to make myself crazy. I think your strategy is awesome and I can’t to hear all about how you rocked those leggings. Woooo!
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mamajo23 said:
Ha thanks! I will take a picture 🙂
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Surviving Infertility said:
I hate the timelines. I have them playing in my head constantly. I am glad u are trying to combat them with some positive thinking…kuddos to you!
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mamajo23 said:
They are usually so arbitrary but can be so powerful. Thanks so much!
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Dreaming of Diapers said:
Yes, yes, and yes….those pesky timelines. I would think, there’s no way that friends that got married 3 years after me would be pregnant before us…but it happened and that was heartbreaking 😦 But I do it to myself…MY timeline. I’m going to try what you’re doing too….I would probably lose 100lbs if mine were all fitness related..ha! but being thankful for the people we have in our life is a great thing to celebrate 🙂 Thanks for this!! xoxo
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mamajo23 said:
So sorry you can relate but happy you can try this strategy with me! Xo
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labmonkeyftw said:
Oh this is a great idea! I am stealing it, as I am ever so guilty of these timeline games, and they really do ruin otherwise nice events for me.
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theskyandback said:
Ah, the dreaded timeline! I feel like Christmas is particularly bad for timelines. I always “want to be pregnant by Christmas” or “not having another miscarriage around Christmas.” Christmas is very weighted! I love your approach to getting around these feelings. I DEFINITELY want to see a picture of these Christmas elf leggings, btw. Don’t think you’re getting out of that one!
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mamajo23 said:
Ha- definitely will :). Pretty darn excited about your Christmas this year my friend!
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ourgreatestdesire said:
I love this idea! A great way to do our best to redirect our thought pattern. 🙂
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mamajo23 said:
Exactly! It is not the easiest thing but I am working on it!
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30yr old nothing said:
This is a fantastic idea!! I tried it over the weekend and it helped. Thanks!!
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mustbecray said:
Great idea! I did something similar last month, just focused on running every time I started thinking negative. Also we booked a holiday in Costa Rica for April. Tired of putting our lives in hold for the what IFS…
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mamajo23 said:
Totally. I want to try to live in the now and not look back and wish I hadn’t wasted time refusing to live. Good for you for booking a trip!
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mustbecray said:
I did buy the cancellation insurance just in case. Lol
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mamajo23 said:
Ha- smart! Hope you have to use it:)
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mustbecray said:
Me too! We just found out our clinic secured some embryos for us. Will update blog soon!
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mamajo23 said:
Oh wow!!
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My Perfect Breakdown said:
I’m actually glad I missed reading this post when you actually wrote, because it’s so what I needed to read today!! I need to take a cue from you and focus on other goals not just the timeline in my head that I have absolutely no control over.
Again, thank you my friend. I clearly need to find myself a glass of your magic optimism potion! 🙂
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mamajo23 said:
I think you were born with a huge pitcher of it and I am happy to fill it up whenever I can!! Xo
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