I just finished one of three egg banking cycles and still waiting immune testing results. Meanwhile, since I know it will be at the minimum many months until I can possibly be pregnant again, I have decided to live it up. I have found that there is such power in changing my mindset, changing my focus and changing the timeline in my head.
So in between egg banking cycles I am having a responsible but enjoyable amount of wine and coffee, doing fun things with my friends and husband, visiting my family, going for long jogs and even planned a fun trip to Nashville in July. I have stopped thinking about this time as just time I have to get through until I can get pregnant and instead have decided it is a gift to be enjoyed. Having only one child who is over 2 years old, goes to bed early and is very well behaved means my husband and I can enjoy each other in the evenings and take turns giving each other ‘me’ time on the weekend. Once I stopped thinking about this time as ‘the time I am still not pregnant’ and instead ‘the time I have my precious family of three’ my entire outlook had improved.
I must admit that when I am in the middle of the hormones and caffeine withdrawal headaches, I can fall into a funk or feel disappointed and frustrated but it doesn’t last long. I know how lucky I am to have my miracle toddler and I hold tight to that gratitude. I want a sibling for him so badly, but I don’t want to lose sight of how truly fortunate I am to have him.
I just want to say that for those of you still waiting for your baby, still childless and yearning- I think of you so often. I know the huge hurdle it is to cross over into just being called Mom. I admire your strength and fortitude and ability to keep moving forward and keep holding out hope. When I was going through my primary fertility battle, I barely held it together. I feel like sometimes I come across as eternally strong and optimistic in my blog but I want you to know I am this way because I think the secondary battle is so different than the true torture of primary fertility. If you can find good days, good moments than you are doing awesome.