My husband and I joke through our tears that we are building enough character to last a lifetime. Currently we are waiting to see if I am miscarrying or going through an ectopic. I have had three perfectly doubling beta’s from this last ditch embryo transfer before surgery but I also had light bleeding that turned into now massive bleeding with clots. So- you know- not good stuff when trying to finally have a healthy bring home baby and sibling for my miracle toddler.

It started out bad when the first thawed embryo did not make it so they thawed the second one. Then- oh glory day- a positive pregnancy test 9dp5dt! Perfect lining, new implantation window, genetically normal embryo, acupuncture, no dairy or gluten, everything done right and I had full hopes this was it. But alas- one week later and that hope is quite literally leaving my body as I write.

But you want to know the silver lining? I am ok. We are ok. This is yet another pain and hurdle that hits us hard, makes us crumble but will not break us. I am sad, very very sad. But I am ok. We will get through this. Our story is not yet ready to be over. Our baby is not quite ready to come to us.

I am researching doctors that can take care of a possible ectopic and endometriosis surgery next week if I need it. I am fortunate enough that I sold surgical equipment to GYN surgeons for years and have a strong network of people who can hopefully help me get the right treatment.

I don’t really like sharing positive or negative news along the way (if you couldn’t tell by my silence) but I wanted to write this simply in hopes that my fortitude and attitude will help those experiencing similar pain, or for those of you growing or holding little miracles you will take a moment to feel that gratitude even deeper. Lots of love to you all. I will check in again after surgery. Sorry if I don’t respond to comments. I am going to log offline for the weekend. Xo