My early miscarriage is officially over and I am now healing my body ( read having wine and coffee but also exercising) in preparation for surgery. The mind is truly an amazing thing. I have somehow tricked my brain into feeling hopeful and excited for surgery and like I am getting closer to my much desired little one.
It’s strange- you would think that after losing a pregnancy and facing surgery and more IVF I would feel discouraged but I don’t. I feel encouraged. These last two years were one IVF failure or early miscarriage after another with no end in sight. I feel like we have finally reached the point where we have a new plan up ahead and are open to new strategies. If surgery doesn’t reveal bad endo we will move to egg donor and if it reveals endo we will try one or two more cycles (depending on the outcome) then move to donor. I am so ready to get off this IVF purgatory train and move forward with my incredibly fortunate life.
I feel energized in this journey and am trying to soak up our little family of three in preparation for the future. I am open to any path that completes our little family so we can finally move on. I cannot wait for a life that does not include pumping myself full of drugs, a bruised belly and heart, drained wallet, endless doctor’s appointments and that terrible feeling of being stagnant.
I feel so lucky for my miracle son. Every failure just illustrates how much of a miracle he is. There are so many ladies just praying and waiting for a child to make them a Mom. It is truly the biggest hurdle in this IF/RPL fight. I will never lose sight of my fortune. My heart is with those of you waiting and praying and hoping for this hurdle to be crossed.
xo
Fighting Infertility 
As always your ability to find optimism and hope is nothing short of amazing.
That said, I totally agree about being excited for a life that doesn’t involve the constant search for a child (obviously our search is different as we are not doing IVF but it’s still the same concept in my mind). Right now, my desperate desire to be free of the lifestyle of wanting a child, paying adoption bills, battling with the adoption process, etc., is actually giving me some peace with only having one child. But, who knows my heart still longs….
LikeLiked by 2 people
I battle this too. It is hard to know if/ when we let go and just live our lives. I do think/ hope that when the desire to just move on outweighs the desire for another child peace will come.
LikeLiked by 1 person
That is a great perspective! You should be excited for surgery–it will give you answers either way. And in this game of infertility hell, answers are always a good thing. I will be thinking of you, as always, in the coming weeks. You’re getting closer and closer to that next miracle baby!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you! Hanging onto that last line!
LikeLike
You have a beautiful outlook; very admirable. I hope the surgery gives you some much-needed answers. Peace. xx
LikeLike
Thank you so much.
LikeLike
Yes you should be excited, you are going to have questions answered with your surgery and you have a plan! One step closer to another little miracle. I need some of your positive energy, it is amazing. I felt pretty emotional reading this post, I have so much admiration for your outlook. xx
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you love. I have a ton of hope for you right now. I really feel like it is finally your time. But you know what? Even if it isn’t quite yet– you know you can get through it and it WILL be soon. Xoxo
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you. xoxo
LikeLike
I so get this! I’ve had a few surgeries and they always make me feel optimistic because I think I’m getting fixed! And also in my old job, I just looked forward to having a sleep! I’m glad you are recovering and I hope you continue to feel hopeful. We are all rooting for you. X
LikeLike
Thank you. Grateful for your little growing miracle!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Best of luck that your surgery provides some answers. What a beautiful positive spirit you have
LikeLike
Thank you friend!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hugs. I know the relief of taking a new path. It really does give you a little pump up of positivity after doing what feels like the same thing over and over and getting nowhere. I hope you get some answers X
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are wonderful! I am so glad you are feeling optimistic. Getting off that purgatory train is going to be the best thing ever! I feel you. I also echo what MPB says…sometimes an only child sounds amazing because it is so hard to bring each one into the family. I really hope, like for me, this just clicks for you in these last moments of trying this way. You deserve it!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Can I just say “ditto” to what MPB wrote?! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
😘😘😘
LikeLike
I feel the exact same way. Encouraged and determined! Let’s do this!!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yay!!!
LikeLike