This past week of recovery has been easier in some ways and harder in others. Physically, I bounced back pretty quickly and only needed pain meds for one day post op. I am grateful for my health and for my body fighting back so quickly. Mentally- it was a little harder than I thought. I have felt really tired and actually kind of down the past week. I am such a positive and happy person that this feeling surprised me. I thought a clean bill of health would make me feel better but not having an answer for infertility made me feel frustrated and a little sad. I also think the anesthesia is a big depressant and it affected me as it left my body. Luckily my Mom came to visit and was able to pull me out of my funk as only Moms can do. I am fortunate to have her and to have my entire supportive and loving family.
The good news is I feel so much better and my happier self is back. I have been searching for egg donors the past few weeks and finally found one I love. She is amazing and I even joke I am excited to use her eggs over my own. The plan is to still do one more cycle with my own eggs but after finding her I am wondering if that is really necessary. I have said before that I find the genetic link trivial to how I will love and feel about another child and my feelings now back that up. That being said– if my husband needs one more try to move forward I am totally ok with that. I want us to both feel ready and good about this step.
I really never expected to be here. I thought one of these past 9 IVF cycles would work but here we are. I firmly believe we need to accept where we are not lament where we want to be. Accept, find gratitude and move forward. I am lucky for so many things in my life and being in a position where another lovely woman can help me complete my family is something I have such gratitude for.
So I now await cycle day 1, the start of BCPs then a few weeks later the start of another IVF cycle. Knowing I am nearing the end of my own IVF purgatory helps me take it all in stride. Love to all of you. Especially those still waiting for their first little miracle.