I am currently mid- Stims with my final own egg cycle but just signed the contract for our egg donor. Sounds a little strange to take that leap when I still have this Hail Mary but there were a few reasons to pull the trigger. One- even a positive pregnancy test does not mean a baby at this point. I know that all too well. So do I wait for 6,9,or even 12 weeks assuming I am even able to get a positive pregnancy test? I can only imagine the devastation after all that time and then having to start the donor process from scratch. The process takes a minimum of 3 months if you find a donor right away (almost impossible) and I am just ready to be done with this IF hell. But the second and more important reason is we found our donor! It is extremely hard to find someone who meets my four main requirements (full of joy and optimism, attractive, athletic and smart– this is a longer separate post) and the fact that we found one that seems amazing and looks exactly like me (well prettier if I am honest) and lives in our area is near impossible. She also happens to be my blood type which is crazy. I did not want to let her go so we signed the contract this week and will begin the process. The way we see it is absolutely worst/ best case scenario is I miraculously get pregnant and it actually brings a baby and we have her embryos for more children afterwards. I have said before I just want to have a family regardless of genetics and the more the merrier.

I am so relieved that the pressure is off this last own egg cycle. I feel a sense of peace and hope and light I haven’t felt in a while. I am even drinking the occasional caffeine and alcohol because let’s face it- my strict regime has not achieved the goal.

I understand that the donor process can get complicated and there is no guarantee. I get that. But it also is a path that holds a whole lot more hope for us then these last 9 IVF cycles.

So onward and upward we go. Thinking of all of you. Especially those in the middle of a wait or still trying to pin down a plan. Hope the road ahead gets easier soon.