Hi there- currently PUPO for the last time with my own eggs. It feels oddly calm and peaceful. I know I have another plan ( in fact we signed the contract for this next plan last week) and I feel accepting and hopeful for that. I just really look forward to the day the IF battle is over, our family is complete and we can just live. Man will I appreciate that!
But that is not what this post is about. It is about a conversation I had with a friend. She was asking me- part awe part confusion- why I can stay so positive and ok through 10 IVF failures, 3 early pregnancy losses and now facing donor eggs. I had to try to explain why I feel ok and why I don’t feel like a victim. First of all– I have my miracle Ivf son ( this cannot be understated for its healing and happiness) and second of all– so so many have it way worse. But then beyond those two facts, I kind of summarized my coping mechanisms for her so I thought I would share here.
1. I always make sure I have a plan B or a next step along the way. I never go into an IVF cycle thinking this has to work or it is over. I always had a next step ( new protocol, new doctor, surgery, new diet) anything that could give me hope that there is another path if this failed. It took the pressure off and helped me grieve quickly and move on with energy.
2. After a failed cycle I would dive into long runs, getting fit, having fun and drinking wine. I allowed myself a few weeks of just living loud and hard before I buckled down again.
3. I constantly remind myself that this phase, however awful IS fleeting. It will pass and all I will be left with is how I handled myself and I want to feel pride and love for who I was and the strength I had.
4. Finally– my true secret weapon is my family. My husband who has literally never said a bad or mean word to me or was anything less than supportive of me. We would cry together of course when we lost a cycle or pregnancy but he has been steadfast in his belief we will have another child and his belief and love in me. My twin sister and Mom ( all my sisters really) have been such a steady and loving support for me. They say everything right, have the utmost compassion and I know grieve with me. Knowing how much it affects them makes me keep myself ok and coping well so they can too.
So there we have it. The four reasons why I am truly ok, why I am actually quite lucky and why I feel gratitude even when it gets hard. Lots of love and a happy Friday to you all. Especially those of you who need a little boost, some good news and the right support. Xo