Looks like I won’t be one of those women that had a last minute surprise miracle- just got a BFN for this last cycle with my own eggs. So I cried, my husband held me and made me laugh and now we forge on. At this point I have been through so many cycles and a number of early pregnancies that I could tell it didn’t work. That softened the blow a bit. You want to know what else softens the blow?

1. I have a plan. A good one. A signed egg donor and hope.

2. I have my amazing husband, miracle son and incredible Mom and sisters.

3. I have my health, my family has their health. For that I am eternally grateful.

4. I have access to wine and coffee and a strong will to drink both.

5. We are approaching my favorite fall and Christmas seasons. I love the coziness and constant family gatherings. 

6. Did I mention my husband is pretty amazing?

7. I read my Twitter feed and various news outlets and see so much hardship, hurt and tragedy in the world. I am humbled that this is my main cross to bear. I will bear it with perspective and grace.

8. I have the support and love of all of you and am continually buoyed by any and all of your good news.

9. I know we will find our way to another child. I have faith in that and will keep hope alive.

10. I know it sounds weird but being in the middle of the hard part, I remind myself that I am in the middle of it. That means better days are just ahead. 

11. When I walked into my clinic to tell them I got a negative pregnancy test my nurse cried. It felt weird for me to be consoling her but I did and even made her laugh. It feels good to have others so invested with us.

12. Finally- I am grateful for my strength of spirit and unwavering desire to find joy and fullness in this one ( I think!?!) life we are given.