I thought about my role and willingness to share on social media a lot. Lord knows we all see enough ‘P’ announcements on social media to get us thinking about it. I still see them and feel that familiar jealous twinge.
Well miraculously I am in that position and have decided not to post anything. I have experienced that feeling of scrolling through another cute announcement over and over, your heart sinking. Depending on the mood I am in, I either feel an instinctual tinge of jealousy that I can shrug off after a bit or it leaves me stricken with loss and fear and sorrow. Either way- if I am being totally honest, I never leave a ‘P’ announcement post feeling anything but worse. So why would I potentially do that to someone else? Sure I know most would be happy for me especially given our struggles but if I can avoid giving even one person struggling that feeling in the pit of their stomach than it is better than the fleeting satisfaction or happiness I may get from a lot of likes on my fortunate news. Plus- anyone who is really close to me or really would want to know does.
Now don’t get me wrong, I certainly don’t judges others that do. It is a natural and probably exciting milestone. Especially for those in this community who have just been waiting and waiting for it to be their turn.
To me, growing this little miracle is a privilege and an honor I hold sacred. It is not a personal accomplishment to share or boast but a gift I have been given. So no announcemt post from me. Lots of love and light and luck to you all.
My Perfect Breakdown said:
You truly are a beautiful soul. Your ability to always have compassion and care for others influence your decisions is truly inspirational.
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mamajo23 said:
As do you my beautiful friend ❤️
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Samantha said:
I have never posted an announcement for the same reason. I think of the women on there who might be struggling silently. The women who may not even be close friends, but acquaintances, and who are subjected to a pregnancy of someone they aren’t even close to. I don’t judge those who do, but for me, I don’t find it a necessary or particulalry validating way of celebrating my pregnancy. It feels much more genuine to share the news with close family and friends, who are genuinely overjoyed at the news. ❤
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mamajo23 said:
My sentiments exactly ❤️
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jivf said:
I completely hear you. I agree about refraining from the big announcement if it can save even one person any kind of heartache. But what about the flip side of seeing someone in person and wishing you had some kind of notice so it doesn’t take you by surprise when you bump into them?
There’s something to be said about an impersonal announcement on social media where they have the information but don’t necessarily have to respond (unlike a personal text or phone call). I don’t know what the correct answer is; I’m curious to hear others thoughts.
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mamajo23 said:
Oh I see what you are saying. Personally anyone I would bump into probably already knows since I have texted and emailed friends ( especially any I think might be trying or thinking about trying). Good point to bring up though. Curious what others think.
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the longest road said:
I never did. It just didn’t feel right for me. The people who I was close with already knew. Those were the important ones. But I’m super private on social media. The only pictures I post are of my dog and things I grow 😊
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mamajo23 said:
☺️that sounds like a great social media account!
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labmonkeyftw said:
We didn’t announce either. Me for the same reasons as you, and my SO because he is a very private person on social media. We are debating a casual acknowledgement of baby now, but are still waffling
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mamajo23 said:
My husband is pretty private too. For some reason I always found baby posts so much easier to see. Not exactly sure why. Hope you are enjoying your little miracle ❤️
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EmilyMaine said:
I did a weird thing and announced buried deep in a totally random post. It was like a facebook year in review post or something and I mentioned it in my comment. So many missed it. I must admit I did post bump pics etc later on but I tried to keep things few and far between. Everyone should just do what makes them most comfortable I guess. Good for you for knowing what you truly want and no bowing to the pressure of the cute announcement when it isn’t for you.
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you. And same to you! Lord knows you deserve as many bump posts as you wanted! 😘😘
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RJ said:
I deleted social media after I got engaged bc I wanted to tell people in person. I never re-opened my account, and that was almost 5 years ago. There’s something to be said for telling those close to you. It was a godsend not the have it during our struggles, constantly being bombarded with pregnancy and birth announcements (not that I judge bc I know that is not the intentions of those posting).
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mamajo23 said:
My twin sis deleted all social media years ago and loves it too. I have been off and on and definitely don’t miss it when I need that protection. Kind of like the in person sharing and interacting more anyway 🙂
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delayedbutnotdeniedblog said:
Firstly, I want to say thank you for remember those of us still in the struggle by commenting on our blogs and providing support. You have no idea how much that means to me. A lot of acquaintances I’ve met a the support group would just forget about us “infertiles” once they’re pregnant
Also, THANK YOU for not posting a twee look-at-me-we’re-pregnant announcement. I’ve been off of Facebook for over three years and I’m sure pregnancy announcements have amped up the barf factor since then. Thank you for being sensitive -and actually caring – about our feelings. You’d be surprised how many people, including those who survived infertility and resolved the way they wanted to, don’t care about our feelings.
When it happens for us, we, too, will not be announcing in twee announcement for the exact same reasons you state here.
I’m really, genuinely excited for you and your family. Hugs.
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mamajo23 said:
Thank you so much. I can never and will never forget. The random FB posts are bad enough but I find it so baffling when bloggers in this community get pregnant and then post a bunch of insensitive posts (complaining about pregnancy symptoms, posting belly pics etc). It’s not that they shouldn’t celebrate it all and deserve it but don’t they remember their readers are specifically infertiles who are so susceptible to triggers??? Just boggles my mind. I am cheering you on so hard love and appreciate your blog and perspective a lot. Xo
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delayedbutnotdeniedblog said:
That’s why Beyoncé’s weird photo really had my head scratching. It’s obvious she’s been on this infertility journey. Sojourn for her. Does she not remember the heartbreak and the moments that take our breath when we come across these twee announcements? And yet, she stages one? I honestly don’t understand. I’m learning you, me, and one other person (I’m sure there’s more of us, but off the top of my head) I know that actually care about other people’s feelings, and craft our words and actions accordingly.
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Mali said:
Brava, and thank you, yet again!! I wrote a post a while ago about when we know better, we should do better. You are a classic example of someone who is truly “doing better,” and making the world a better and easier place for those who are hurting.
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mamajo23 said:
Also just starting to discover your blog. Thank you so much for providing the perspective you do. Not enough voices like yours are out there. Xo
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