I know the often dreaded Mother’s Day is coming up next weekend and the day still gives me anxiety and negative feelings. Don’t get me wrong- I am so lucky to have my Mother still with me and always call her and send a card. I don’t however- celebrate it for myself. My husband respects this and we call our Moms, feel grateful for what we have and spend the day like any other family day.
I imagine this might sound weird for someone like me who has suffered and spent my way into debt for the privilege of the Mom title. Perhaps I should soak up the day and revel in my fortune. Instead-I hope for this day that can trigger so much hurt for those who have lost a mother, are waiting to be a mother or had to move on from the dream of being a Mom to pass quickly.
I have found it a tremendous gift and honor to claim the title of Mom and I do not need society further pressing the sentiment that women are valued the most as a Mom. It’s not fair. Women are professionals, they are sisters, daughters, thought leaders, activists, runners, fashionistas, athletes, care takers, avid readers, talented writers, scientists, leaders, and so so much more. There is already enough pressure on women to ‘get married and be a mother’ in order to feel worth, I do not enjoy a day that further highlights this stigma.
If we are going to have something like a Mother’s Day I think we need to change it to Caretaker’s Day and use it to celebrate those in your life who have cared for and nurtured you along the way. Aunts that have been like a second Mom, live-in nurses that care for the elderly, single parents raising kids, nurses and teachers and anyone in the service industry that has cared for you or loved ones. This to me would enrich the day so much more. The idea of celebrating someone who gives themselves selflessly to the lives of others is beautiful- but let’s broaden the definition and scope.
Let me end this post by saying this is just my opinion. I can’t claim it as truth. I respect others who make this day important and find value in it. I understand there are so many great intentions and sentiments on this day. It is simply my personal opinion. I will readily celebrate my own Mom but just choose this to be another day for me. I have all the blessings and joy I could ask for- I don’t feel a need to highlight it commercially. But that is just my personal choice. It’s just the emotions I feel around this day. I do not think any negative thoughts of those women who fought so hard to be a Mom and enjoy the day to celebrate it. I get it.
Lots of love to those of you who will have to endure the pain Mother’s Day brings. Xo
***Edited to add: in response to a comment I just want to add we don’t really celebrate Father’s Day as well. Or Valentines Day either. It’s not that we are anti- holiday ( as a mixed christian(ish) and Jewish household we celebrate everything from Hanukkah to Christmas to Easter to Passover). It’s more the Hallmark Holidays that we tend to avoid. Also- I appreciate you taking this all with a grain of salt and not passing judgement. It’s just what works for us 🙂