That wasn’t my last post. As soon as I hit send I have had a few moments that sent me feeling.
Moment one: I used the restroom and had a flash of all the times I have done this before just praying and pleading I won’t see blood. The intensity of that emotion made me cry. The realization that so many are in the middle of this terrible phase made my heart ache. Ugh. Just ugh. The trauma is apparently still there.
Moment two: playing with my son and he says with his big beautiful eyes so wide and full of pride “your MY Mommy”. This made me tear up full of intense gratitude that Yes, Yes I am. I am a Mom and I fought so.damn.hard for that to be true. It then sent me almost buckling to think of those who don’t have a moment like that or may not have a moment like that. How unbelievably cruel Infertility is.
Anyway. I just wanted to share these two moments to those of you who have not yet unfollowed after my last ‘final post’. I guess thinking that I am ever ‘past infertility’ was a tad jumping the gun. It stays and it emerges in moments I cannot anticipate. Perhaps I do have a few posts left in me.
my love to all of you.