I have written about this his before but the concept keeps popping up all around me. I have a family member who is just deciding to try for a baby. Her innocence about it all is so foreign. Her concerns are around childcare, gender (has not even had a positive pregnancy test) and other pretty minor stuff for those of us who have fought or are still fighting for a baby. I find it so hard to meet her where she is. I just want to tell her— don’t get too excited, or stressed until you are actually there because you have no idea if it can actually easily happen. Of course I don’t. No one wants to invite that gal to the party. I imagine her getting pregnant easily and then stressing about EVERY LITTLE MINOR thing ( weight gain, insomnia, sleep deprivation when baby comes, etc) all the stuff we all dream about will only stress her out and cloud her happiness and joy in the gift. I have seen it so many other times with family and friends. I end up feeling bad that they cannot truly comprehend and enjoy the incredible gift they have been given. Kind of a weird turn around. The infertile feeling pity for a fertile.
Thats because life’s it so darn hard at times and unless you have seen a struggle it is often very hard to recognize the good and feel the immense gratitude.
Another Mom friend had three kids in a row and is SO miserable. Her life is just one tantrum and one crying session after another and she just impatiently waits for the hour of the day before she goes to bed that she has to herself. This has been going on for years. How sad is that? Much more tragic than someone who fought like hell and now has a beautiful baby from a donor egg and marvels at her with gratitude during the happy moments and even a lot during the hard. Yet this particular friend has expressed sympathy and honestly major judgement of my situation. Crazy lack of perspective.
Anyway- just popping on here to remind you all that perspective is really hand in hand with gratitude. No one is guaranteed a “happy ending” to this hellish road of Infertility but we are given the gift of perspective. The ability to see the gifts and have gratitude.