**caution warning. This is not a post announcing a ‘P’ or anything but if you are in a vulnerable spot where hearing about expanding family decisions or multiple kids in one family please skip this. It is hard enough mentally to add anything that might not inspire or make you feel good **

 

So my husband and I are actually in a spot where we are considering baby number 3. It feels so surreal since I had to fight like hell for baby #1 and #2 but we have the unbelievable gift of more frozen embryos from our donor egg round.

We talked this weekend about whether we wanted to try on our own a bit first. I have severe DOR but it is not impossible one egg could actually sneak through if we tried on our own. After discussing it at some lengths we actually decided not to and instead go back for an embryo later this year. Crazy that we both actually want to pursue donor eggs over mine. I would never have thought that would happen. So here is why.

1. Our miracle baby girl is literally the BEST angel ever. She is healthy, adorable, kind, spunky, fun and just has this inner joy for life that sparkles around her. She came out perfect and has been every single day. Any chance at another Baby like her makes us so excited. (Side note: my own egg ivf miracle son is every bit as perfect in his own way so not a comparison to him).

2. We would love to have another member of our family share her exact genetics. I don’t envision her much caring about being from donor eggs since we don’t but you never know. I want to honor her journey and if she wants to be able to share this experience with a sibling with her same story I would love to be able to give her that gift.

3. Our girl is every bit mine. Every bit ours. It’s hard to fathom the fact that her origin of egg does not matter even a bit to how we feel, raise and love her but it is truly not even the smallest of detail to us. It just makes her a tiny bit more magical.

4. Trying with my eggs means first of all very little chance of success, secondly a high risk of miscarriage and over all high risk pregnancy. Just not worth the heartache since it fulfills zero desire in us.

5. The mental image of a little potential life waiting for us to go find it is so strong. It usurps all else.

So there you have it. Being a two time C-section and older Mama (turn 39 in October) I know a third baby is not a guarantee but we are going to give it a shot. Let me finally say— the miracle that I can be in this spot is not lost on me. Not for a second. I am humbled, grateful and, if I am truly honest, a bit guilty that this is my fortune. Love to you all.