Safe Arrival

*** read only if you want to hear our birth story. Certainly many triggers if you are not in that head space so please protect yourself***

Our little baby girl made miraculously and beautifully via donor eggs has arrived. She is perfect and healthy and was my meant to be baby from the moment they put her on my chest. I was always interested in birth stories and wanted to share mine without people feeling they stumbled upon it ( hence the separate page).

Baby girl joined us via a scheduled C section since her big brother was an emergency C section after two days of active but unproductive labor. There turned out to be medical reasons for both babies needing to join us via C section. Medical reasons that were unknown until after birth. I won’t share those here simply because they are both very rare and ended up being a non factor since they are here safely. I don’t like to put out unnecessary fears into this community and will just say if I had refused C sections or pushed for a VBAC I may very well not have the gift of these babies here today. I share that simply as testimony to listen to your doctor’s and your body. Strict birth plans are not always the best way to go. I have chosen to let go of the emotions knowing that they could have not made it here safely and just focus on the fact that they are. 

So back to this scheduled C section. Quite a different experience. The countdown leading up was strange to have a set date and time. It was both strange and wonderful at the same time. I did show up to the hospital with a fresh manicure but also no ‘in labor’ pains or signs to keep me distracted or focused. Just major nerves.

Once we had the baby hooked up to the monitor I could breath a sigh of relief. I knew I was that much closer. A few hours later they rolled me into the room and the process of getting a spinal and prepping me etc started. To be totally aware and awake and in the moment during all that was at times beautiful and at other times petrifying. I am completely awake and can feel everything they are doing to my body only there is no pain. It is truly remarkable. Whenever I would get scared I would imagine soldiers on the battle field lying there alone and majorly injured and if they can survive, I can get through this very controlled surgery that brings me life’s greatest gift. Those thoughts calmed me.

After feeling the tugging and getting the warning she was coming, they pulled her out- the immediate screaming cry that followed finally made me release all the emotions. I sobbed when I heard her. I sobbed for all the pain that led to this day. I sobbed for the relief it was here. I sobbed for those crying quietly and giving anything to be in this moment. I cried as they placed her on my chest and she instantly calmed. She was mine. She is mine. She was finally here.

After getting stitched back up they rolled me to recovery and brought her in. I put her face next to my chest and she instantly latched. A perfect and beautiful and comforting latch not even a half hour after being born. The relief of that flooded my body. Any tiny lingering doubts about donor influence or attachment issues or anything disappeared for good in that moment. She is all mine and I am her Mommy. 

For any of you contemplating or pursuing donor eggs, I can simply just tell you my own experience. It was the best decision I made and my final beautiful path to this meant to be little one of mine. For any of you reading this who are still waiting or hurting or wishing or pleading. Thank you for reading my story for sharing my triumph and my pain. What strength and selflessness that takes. I hope the strength you need for that is fleeting and that your own turn in your story, your own path to the joy, whatever form that is, comes soon.

Xoxo

Advertisements