This cycle officially became a BFN yesterday. I actually kind of felt like it had worked. While the initial response was a bit harder with my false hope, it wasn’t any worse than the cycles that I am prepared for a BFN. I cried, felt despair and frustration and sad for about two hours then started to feel ok. I had a glass of wine. I laughed with my husband. I made a new plan and I enjoyed the relaxing evening of no symptom spotting and obsessing. I told myself that it will happen eventually and I want to look back at this time and know I still treasured and enjoyed it– not wasted it. I have a super awesome life. Honestly one I could have only dreamt of and I refuse to dwell on what I don’t have. I will focus on what I do have and what I will one day have.
I could dwell on the fact that 11k plus weeks of injections, monitoring, stress and no caffeine or alcohol yielded nothing. I could feel sad that there is nothing to show for it but I will not head down that path. I will remember that this is one step in the journey. One milestone down. The baby who is meant to join our family will come one day. Life is way to short and unpredictable to sit and feel sad about could have or would have. I get to wake up to an amazing husband, beautiful view, adorable little boy and now COFFEE. Life is good indeed. Soon enough I will be back in the IVF saddle so for now- I will enjoy the freedom and fun of normal life.
Hope all of you enjoy your Friday and find a way to enjoy the moment and celebrate the good.