As I set out my little Zachy’s baby bear costume, I felt an overwhelming feeling of gratitude but a strong undercurrent of pain. Gratitude because I have this precious boy and finally this year all these holidays are a joy. As each holiday passed without a baby, I would numb myself and ignore the sadness of yet another milestone passed. Yet another Halloween with no baby to dress up cute, another Christmas with no little hands grabbing at all my over the top decorations.
Although I feel great joy this morning, I also feel intense sadness for the many women who wake up this morning and are reminded once again they are left behind and left with an unfulfilled desire. I know too well what it is like and my heart aches for them.
Sometimes, when you are waiting and wishing for something, you can easily idealize it or have too high of expectations for the desired event. Having Zachy has far surpassed any and all dreams and hopes. He is a delight, a joy and the most incredible gift. I pretty much stare at him all day doing cute things and feel lucky.
In the moments of true gratitude like this morning, I am reminded of these beautiful women waiting for their gift. I want them to have this joy too. No one deserves the struggle and pain and I wish for it to go away.
As I sit and play with my son in his baby bear costume, my sorrow turns to hope. I know if they continue the battle, a gift of a child will eventually come. It may take a while, it may not be the exact way we all hope, but this joy is ahead for them too.
If you are still battling, please know I am filled with gratitude everyday- I am not squandering this gift. But also know, your time is coming. Sending you a warm hug and hoping the days go fast until it does.